Thursday, October 06, 2005

What I've Learned

I’ve learned a lot during this vacation trip. Some of it was good, some bad, but it’s all stuff that I want to know earlier in a relationship rather than later.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they travel. Mr. Amazingly Gorgeous is fairly easy going about travel matters. Of course, it helps that he has enough money to make sure things happen on his schedule. However, even when a few things went askew (getting temporary lost and a delay in getting the rental car), he was cheerful and easy going, never taking it out on the people around him.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those in the service industry. In this area, Mr. Amazingly Gorgeous scores a perfect 10. He is polite to waitstaff, hotel maids, taxi drivers, and pool attendants. And I already knew that he was polite to flight attendants.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they relax. Unfortunately, this is where we hit a few snags. Mr. Amazingly Gorgeous had his phone headset on nearly the whole time, and seemed unable to separate from his Blackberry. Bad. Very bad. Sometimes you just have to leave the office at home and RELAX.

You can tell a lot about a person by their friends. This quickly became the most troubling aspect of a burgeoning relationship. While I readily accept that I was the newcomer to the group, there was some behavior that was simply intolerable. And Mr. Amazingly Gorgeous’ reaction to it, and how he did (or actually didn’t handle it), makes me realize that there is more flash than substance to him. While the departures were being organized this morning, I had an opportunity to spend some quiet time talking with Charlie. Charlie and Mr. Amazingly Gorgeous have been friends for a number of years, and to hear them talk, they’d take a bullet for one another. During our conversation, Charlie made a pass at me. Now, in my lifetime this has happened on an occasion or two, but this morning it was more of a “take off your clothes and I’ll do you right here” kind of moment. Once rebuffed, he didn’t back off and forced the issue until I had to walk away, causing a tiny bit of a scene. When I told Mr. Amazingly Gorgeous about it (I hadn’t want to say anything, but someone else brought it up first), he merely shrugged and implied that I had either been the cause of it or misunderstood. I didn’t expect him to take my side over Charlie’s (those battles never resolve anything), but I did expect a little more support. I guess he’s right: I just don’t fit in very well with his friends.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they handle a good situation gone bad. I’d like to think that while traveling home Mr. Amazingly Gorgeous will realize what a jerk he’s been and call me to straighten things out. But, that’s not going to happen. So, this is one girl who’ll be moving on from this bad situation.


number4of5 said...

It is hugely important that the man you are with is nice to people in the service industry. You are right, you can tell a lot about people that way. However, you can tell a lot by the way he treats YOU. Ditch the guy, you don't need his blackberry, his friends or his shitty reactions.

Fly Girl said...

That's for sure. I'm leaving him to his Blackberry and sorry-assed friends!

Eshin said...

It once happened to me that my gf was hit on by an old schoolfriend. It's tough when guys are taught to respect the male bond above all else.

My immediate thoughts were quite unsupportive - cultural differences, you must have misunderstood, are you sure, what exactly did he say?

Can't say I was impressed with my behaviour. That realization only happened later. But if a guy really does respect you and what you have, he should have no qualms about taking action to rectify the situation.

You are right to walk away.

Fly Girl said...

It's a hard situation when you feel like you are ratting out your guy's best buddy. I would never have said anything (I'm great at avoidance) except one of the girls forced my hand.

I really didn't want to make him choose me over his friend --- that's a lose/lose situation for everyone. I just wanted him to acknowledge my feelings in an awkward situation, rather than dismiss me out of hand.

His loss. Not mine.

allison said...

Roses really smell like poo poo.

But you're absolutely right...his loss.

Anonymous said...

There are plenty of good men out there. You just have to find them! Unfortunately, the bad ones tend to be a lot easier to find.

Traytable said...

Sorry things turned out badly. But as you say it's better to know sooner rather than later. he could at least have asked you about it away from everyone else before just dismissing your side like that.

Do what you think is right - which I think you already have made up your mind to do!! =)

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