Thursday, August 18, 2005

Get the Hint

Here’s a hint: If you put your bag in the overhead compartment, and it sticks over the lip of the compartment, it’s not going to close. If it doesn’t close, it’s not going to be able to stay that way. So do everyone a favor, and make sure your bag fits before you sit down. Everyone will appreciate it.

And while we're at it, here’s some other hints:

We really do need you to put your seatbelt on. We don’t say this to harass you, it’s our job. The FAA makes us. We don’t want to get a personal fine or get fired for not doing our job. So just buckle up. It will make life easier for both of us.

Turn the damn cell phone off. You’re not that important! It really can wait till you get to your destination. Besides that, we're not going anywhere until you do.

If you are a person of size, please ask us for a seatbelt extension. Don’t pretend like you’re buckled in. We have to make sure that you are, so when we look, it’s just as embarrassing for us to look at your fat body as it is for you. Help us out here and make everyone a little more comfortable: ask for an extension.

When we come through the cabin with the beverage cart, it might be a good time to start thinking about what you’d like to drink. The beverage cart is the big 300 pound thing that we are struggling to push down the aisle. It takes us a long time. When we get to your row you need to be ready to answer the question of the day: What would you like to drink? Please don’t ask us what we have, because we know that you don’t really care. Just tell us what you want. We’ll let you know if we don’t have it. And for goodness sake, if you’re wearing those sound elimination headsets, take the damn things off. You can’t hear us, and we just get annoyed that you don’t realize that there’s a 300 pound cart parked right by you, and that you don’t understand we are talking to you. We are. Yes, we are talking to YOU!

If the answer to the beverage question is coffee, we’ll give it to you. Gladly. And then we’ll move on. If you want cream, sugar, and/or sweetener, just tell us when you order your coffee. We’ll give it to you. Gladly. But it really pisses us off if you wait till we’re two rows away and you wait till then to let us know.

There are other things that really annoy us. But that’s another post on another day.


LJK said...

Good blog. It's hard to find well written, interesting observations in Blogland.

Great start. Keep up the good work!

BTW some of us are probably less than considerate because when we're loaded on to the plane we're made to walk past those wide comfy chairs in Business Class. What with their complimentary copies of Vogue and the New Yorker, free bottles of bubbly, generous seat pitch and large entertainment sets it's enough to make you feel like unloved cattle. Me, I'm usually too thrilled or too tired, if it's for business.

Fly Girl said...

Wow! I'm going to have to start flying on the airlines you've been flying.

Yes, the seats are wider, but the champagne is cheap and the service sub-par.

Let's all think back to the golden days of travel: Flight attendants provided white glove, gourmet service, and passengers dressed up to travel and had good manners.

LJK said...

My father still loves to regail me with stories of when he was a business traveller and the only two classes were First and Economy/Coach. He loves reminding me that the family once flew first class to Europe via Moscow. Pity I was too young to actually enjoy those halcyon days... I may never fly first class ever again *sniffle*