Did you hear the one about the TSA guy who. . . .
Apparently everone has a TSA airport story, and whether deserved or not, they have now become the new post office joke.
Do you have a favorite TSA joke?
Via Today in the Sky
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8 comments:
Doesn't the TSA hire the people who are too inefficient to work for the post office?
That's one theory!
I have a pretty amusing picture here from a trip where I was a "selectee".
That's a funny picture, Phil. VERY FUNNY!
TSA * Now stands for TOUCH SOME ASS!
New TSA Slogan: “You WERE a Virgin!!”
“Hey, don’t worry – my hands are still warm from the LAST guy!”
“Grope Discounts are Available!” “Can’t see London, Can’t See France… not until I see your underpants!”
“Have you heard the TSA’s new slogan? ‘We handle more junk than eBay.’” -Jay Leno
“A friend of mine told me that going through the enhanced TSA pat down brought back tearful memories of growing up a choirboy.” – Loren Keim
“TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish.” –David Letterman
“The TSA, it’s our business to touch yours.” –from an SNL skit “There was supposed to be a protest, but nobody opted out of the full-body scans, maybe because of the signs TSA posted: ‘If you are embarrassed by your penis size, you may opt out of being scanned.’” –Jimmy Kimmel
“I was over at Burbank airport and you could tell it’s Thanksgiving. I saw a TSA agent probing a guy with a turkey baster.” –Jay Leno
“T.S.A.: If we did our job any better, we’d have to buy you dinner first.”
“T.S.A.: We are now free to move about your pants.”
“T.S.A.: Wanna Fly? Drop your fly.”
“T.S.A.: It’s not a grope. It’s a freedom pat.” .
“TSA: We rub you the wrong way, so you can be on your way.”
“The TSA says they will allow pilots to pass through security more easily than before. I’d be happy if the pilots just went through the breathalyzer.” –Jay Leno
“This year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers will get molested BEFORE they get to their uncle’s house.” -Seth Meyers
“The TSA. Handling more packages than Santa Clause.” – Loren Keim
“When in doubt – we make you whip it out”
David Letterman’s “Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a TSA Agent”
10. “Do I need a degree in groping?”
9. “Am I only doing this for the sweet TSA uniform?”
8. “If I find explosive underpants, may I keep them?”
7. “Will I enjoy being cursed at 40 hours a week for minimum wage?”
6. “If I find explosive underpants, may I keep them?” That was No. 8. Who checks these things anyway?
5. “Should I practice by frisking people on the street?”
4. “In five years, whose pants do I see my hands in?”
3. “Do I really want to know what a fat guy’s thighs feel like?”
2. “May I frisk myself?”
1. “What’s the closest airport to Shakira’s house?”
“The TSA – Touching and Squeezing Your Assets” – Loren Keim
“‘Has anyone handled your bags?’ ‘Yes. You. Right now.’” -Seth Meyers
“You know, if I wanted somebody halfheartedly patting my groin without eye contact, I’d get married.” -Seth Meyers
“The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say not to bring food, sharp tools, or any shred of dignity.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Hillary Clinton said on CBS that she would not submit to a pat-down, to which Bill Clinton said, ‘Tell me about it.’” –Jay Leno
“The TSA has changed airport security guidelines. Now you can have an extensive body pat-down or a naked scan. I think I speak for everybody when I say, “Hey, why can’t we have both?” –David Letterman
“The major pilots unions are complaining about the use of full-body scanners and these pat-down techniques at the airport. Pilots say the searches make it almost impossible for them to smuggle in liquor.” –Jay Leno
“The day before Thanksgiving is National Opt-Out Day, where people are being asked to boycott the TSA’s full-body scanners. Sponsors of the event say people shouldn’t be made to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable while traveling. That’s what Thanksgiving with your family is for.” –Jimmy Fallon
“It was bad enough when the TSA agents would go through your underwear in your luggage. Now they’re going through your underwear while you’re wearing it.” –Jay Leno
“Now, to make it worse, the airlines are charging a $15 molestation fee.” –Jay Leno
“One of those airport naked scan images ended up on the internet. And you know who it was? Brett Favre. What are the odds?” –Jay Leno
“TSA agents can now feel the inside of passengers’ thighs. I get more action going through airline security than I did all through high school.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“At the airport if you refuse to be patted down, they arrest you. And what’s the first thing they do when they arrest you? They pat you down.” –Jay Leno
“Thank you, TSA pat down for making air transport feel like that one time at summer camp. ‘We’re still cool, aren’t we, Gary?’” –Jimmy Fallon
“It’s our business to touch yours!”
Experts say that the new TSA body scanners will not not detect hidden devices in body cavities. I guess it won’t be long before the TSA starts doing colonoscopies.
TSA : “Feel that tingle up your leg? That’s us!”
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